Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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