it wasn't lemon gatorade
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
