Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
