never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
