We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize