theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He shit in the fireplace
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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