wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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