Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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