I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We left the knife in your bed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
