I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize