Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
