It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
