Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
