but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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