i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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