i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
