i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
