you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
