in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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