I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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