i don't like sucking hair
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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