Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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