Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize