Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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