matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
