dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Did I show you my penis last night?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
