I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
