So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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