Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
