can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
