Are we in a gay sports bar?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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