We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
