I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
