Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
