My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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