Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
