So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
