I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
