Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
