so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
