Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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