I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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