It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
