I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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