i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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