Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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