I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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