Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize