bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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