not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
