I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
