I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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