The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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