....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
