Banned from zoo.
Again?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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