You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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