We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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