i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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