It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
