I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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