You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
