i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
