remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
