I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
