I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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