i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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