morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
