Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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